Couple, Depression/Anxiety

Which role do you play, victim, persecutor, or rescuer?—Drama Triangle for Personal Insight/Awareness

drama triangle

I find thess three roles, victim, persecutor, and rescuer, straightforward to understand in the clinical settings. Often, when a client comes into my office, they are often locked into one of these roles and feels dissatisfied and resentful in his/her life.

One can shift in these three roles. For example, in a particular relationship, I might be the rescuer but a victim in another relationship. For example, in the family of origin, a person might be the rescue to his/her mother but a victim to his/her father. 

One can also shift among these roles in one issue with oneself. For example, a conflict happened at work or with a significant other, and these three roles might play out like this in one’s mind:

Victim: how could he/she say that? It’s so unfair to say that to me considering everything I have done for him/her.

Persecutor: He/she was so ungrateful. He/she behaved like…… and didn’t hold his/her end of the deal…….. He/she has no right to ask for anything. 

Rescuer: Still, how could I let this happen? It is my job to make sure everything goes the way it should be, and everyone gets the best out of the situation. I failed to do so.  Continue reading “Which role do you play, victim, persecutor, or rescuer?—Drama Triangle for Personal Insight/Awareness”

Couple, Depression/Anxiety

Which role do you play, victim, persecutor, or rescuer?—Drama Triangle Introduction

drama triangle

In the interpersonal relationship…..(family, couple, work, friendship, etc….)

Have you ever felt that like a victim and being taken advantage all the time?

Have you ever felt like a firefighter and continuously putting out other people’s fire and rescue people around you all the time?

Have you ever felt so angry and frustrated that you want to criticize the other people’s behaviors all the time?

If you do, you might be falling into the drama triangle without knowing it.  Continue reading “Which role do you play, victim, persecutor, or rescuer?—Drama Triangle Introduction”

Couple

Change is Harder for the Couples — How Do We Change it?

couple-change-2.png

If we enter the intimate relationships to be accepted as who we are as a person, to feel loved, worthy, and valued, and to see our partners as a whole, and the majority of the mistakes in the relationship are made unintentionally, what do we do when we stuck in the relationship?

The answer is: holding space for each other. The fact is that we are all different. No matter how similar you are as a couple, you still have your differences. No matter which family life cycle stages they are in, communication is the key to resolve the disputes.

Knowing that we all walk into the marriage hoping to be accepted and loved the way we are,  knowing that how we respond to our partners is how they assess their value and self-worth in the relationship, and knowing that I don’t do anything intentionally to hurt my partner and my partner is hurt because of the way I think, I experiences, and my values, now what?

How? Here are some takeaway points: Continue reading “Change is Harder for the Couples — How Do We Change it?”

Couple

Change is Harder for the Couples— Why?

 

couple change 1

The process of change is uneasy for one person and even more complicated for a couple.

Why is change much more complicated for the couples? Try to think about those reasons that make it hard for everyone one of us to change first. Now, add in two people who go through the same struggle. Finally, add in the following reasons.

Continue reading “Change is Harder for the Couples— Why?”

Cedar Cove, Couple

Family Life Cycle and Couple Relationship: What Does Cedar Cove Teach Us (Part 6)

family Life Cycle
Just a friendly reminder that you might want to read these articles before you started reading this entry.

Family Life Cycle Theory (Reuben Hill, 1949): Stage 6: Families in Later Life

The last stage is the stage when the couple moves into the “grandparent” generation and possibly requires the assistance of their children, or to assist babysitting to their grandchildren. They also adjust their roles socially and with each other as they face each other’s physical decline and the changes in their social responsibility, such as retirement from work. Continue reading “Family Life Cycle and Couple Relationship: What Does Cedar Cove Teach Us (Part 6)”

Cedar Cove, Couple, Depression/Anxiety

Family Life Cycle and Couple Relationship: What Does Cedar Cove Teach Us (Part 5)

launching children
Just a friendly reminder that you might want to read these articles before you started reading this entry.

Family Life Cycle Theory (Reuben Hill, 1949): Stage 5: Launching children and moving on

Once the first child leaves for college, the couple enters into the stage of launching the children and moving on. When the last child leaves the family, the couple enters the empty nest stage. The important tasks for the couple are to realign their relationship with the adult children as they did when they were a young adult with their parents, to “fill” space once occupied by their children, and to deal with the issues from the aging parents.

Continue reading “Family Life Cycle and Couple Relationship: What Does Cedar Cove Teach Us (Part 5)”

Couple, Depression/Anxiety, Trauma

New Year, New Boundary (Part 2)

boundary(Read New Year, New Boundary Part I first)
Underlying these emotions are needs that are not fulfilled. Those needs are not fulfilled because we don’t define the boundary, and we ended up building the resentment.
You don’t have to give up your virtue or your value. However, you need to gain the ability to protect your boundary. I am asking you to define your boundary so that people can respect how you want to be treated.

Continue reading “New Year, New Boundary (Part 2)”

Couple, Depression/Anxiety, Trauma

New Year, New Boundary (Part I)

boundaryIn a few days, the “New Year Resolution” articles will be flying all over the internet.

What’s your new year resolution? More productivity? Healthier? Better financial management? Romance?

I looked back to the year of 2017 and thought about all the clients I have worked with, individuals and couples. All of these new year resolutions, relationship, money, happiness, etc., seem to be the symptoms of one crucial issue: boundary.

That is, everything that we strive to change is behaviors and the symptoms, but not the real problem. The real issue, from what I can see, is the boundary. Continue reading “New Year, New Boundary (Part I)”

Couple, Depression/Anxiety, Training Notes

Divorce, Co-Parenting, and Mental Health

divorce and mental health

I am currently at the National Council on Family Relationship 2017 conference (11/16). Today, I attended a session about changes in the family system.

The changes in the family system are either adding the members or losing the members. The focus of the session I attended was divorce. For any children who are minor, it means that you either lose a father or mother in your residence. After the divorce, if the parents are remarried, a child gains a stepparent in the family system.

There were four papers presented, discussing the factors influencing co-parenting decisions, the impact on the children’s development, and the mental health issues due to the divorce.

The ideas of “gatekeeping,” “gender role,” “divorce” and “mental health” comes to my mind. Here are some takeaway points. For your information, you might want to read the entry about “Divorce & Co-Parenting” before continue to read this entry,

Continue reading “Divorce, Co-Parenting, and Mental Health”