Category: Depression/Anxiety

Depression/Anxiety, Trauma

When the chaos becomes norm

Grace Chen, PhD. LMFT

chaos

A week ago on Thursday, 9/13/2018……..

It was like a regular late afternoon. I finished the 4 pm session and ready for my 5 pm session. Suddenly, my phone rang, and I ignored it to start the 5 pm session. At 6 pm, as I said goodbye to the clients, there was plenty of message on my phone, including one cancellation. This was when I realized that there was a gas line explosion in Andover, North Andover, and Lawrence. My office is located on the town line of these three towns and, thus, the cancellation.

Continue reading “When the chaos becomes norm” →

Depression/Anxiety, Podcast of the Week

[Podcast of the Week] [091718]Surviving Overwhelming Feelings

Grace Chen, PhD. LMFT

pow 091718
We all get overwhelmed at times. I have better days than others. That’s why when I saw this podcast popped up in my podcast. My takeaway from this podcast about how to survive when you feel overwhelmed? 

“Take control” vs. “Being controlled.”

Often, we are overwhelmed because there are too many things going on at the same time and we don’t know where to start and which one should be the priority. Once these overwhelming feelings begin to become the norm, we get lost and often become anxious and depressed. Why? We are anxious about the things that haven’t done and its consequences. Lacking the sense of accomplishment also makes us feel bad about ourselves and, in the long run, becomes a depressive feeling. 

To prevent yourself from getting overwhelmed, the most crucial step is to take control instead of being in control. In another word, you have to either prevent flooding from happening or to intervene when the overwhelming feelings already arrived as soon as you can. 

Continue reading “[Podcast of the Week] [091718]Surviving Overwhelming Feelings” →

Depression/Anxiety, Podcast of the Week, Trauma

[Podcast of the Week] [091018]”Your life is here, not somewhere else.”

Grace Chen, PhD. LMFT

pow091018
To say Elizabeth Gilbert’s book “Eat, Pray, Love” changed my life ten years ago is an understatement. It was the last year of my doctoral program, and I was working crazy to support myself while trying to finish my dissertation. In the meantime, getting that degree meant that I would not be able to work on campus as a research assistant, which implied that I would be unemployed. I was so uncertain as to where I would be going. The guy I was dating at the time wasn’t sure about our future, and I wasn’t sure if I should bank my future based on a guy’s indecisiveness. 

“I lost the appetite of my life” was the sentence stuck with me in “Eat, Pray, Love” since then.  I was stunned when reading this sentence because that was how I felt at the time. Her courage to go on a journey to find herself again, in spite of “not being responsible” in many people’s eyes, opened my eyes. 

So, when the “Big Magic” came out, I had to read it. The “Big Magic” podcast is my entry into the podcast world. 

You do not need to be an artist to listen to this podcast. You do not need to do something creative to listen to this podcast. I found myself getting inspired to live my life creatively and genuinely after hearing to the two seasons of this podcast. 

Continue reading “[Podcast of the Week] [091018]”Your life is here, not somewhere else.”” →

Couple, Depression/Anxiety

Which role do you play, victim, persecutor, or rescuer? — Drama Triangle “I am OK. You are OK.”

Grace Chen, PhD. LMFT

drama triangle

In the interpersonal relationships, we all shift in different roles in different relationships. As I mentioned above, we even play these roles with ourselves at times. However, if we regularly locked in specific roles in our lives, we lose the flexibility to live our lives here and now. That is, we lose the flexibility to behave based on the situation and people involved. We become to live the life to fulfill the expectation of that particular role. No one wants to continually rescue other people. No one likes to be frustrated and critical of other people’s behaviors all the time. No one wants to feel like a victim and powerless in his/her own life all the time. When we are fixed at a certain role, we lose the joy to live our lives to the fullest potential. We also start to accumulate resentment and dissatisfaction.  Continue reading “Which role do you play, victim, persecutor, or rescuer? — Drama Triangle “I am OK. You are OK.”” →

Couple, Depression/Anxiety

Which role do you play, victim, persecutor, or rescuer?—Drama Triangle for Personal Insight/Awareness

Grace Chen, PhD. LMFT

drama triangle

I find thess three roles, victim, persecutor, and rescuer, straightforward to understand in the clinical settings. Often, when a client comes into my office, they are often locked into one of these roles and feels dissatisfied and resentful in his/her life.

One can shift in these three roles. For example, in a particular relationship, I might be the rescuer but a victim in another relationship. For example, in the family of origin, a person might be the rescue to his/her mother but a victim to his/her father. 

One can also shift among these roles in one issue with oneself. For example, a conflict happened at work or with a significant other, and these three roles might play out like this in one’s mind:

Victim: how could he/she say that? It’s so unfair to say that to me considering everything I have done for him/her.

Persecutor: He/she was so ungrateful. He/she behaved like…… and didn’t hold his/her end of the deal…….. He/she has no right to ask for anything. 

Rescuer: Still, how could I let this happen? It is my job to make sure everything goes the way it should be, and everyone gets the best out of the situation. I failed to do so.  Continue reading “Which role do you play, victim, persecutor, or rescuer?—Drama Triangle for Personal Insight/Awareness” →

Couple, Depression/Anxiety

Which role do you play, victim, persecutor, or rescuer?—Drama Triangle Introduction

Grace Chen, PhD. LMFT

drama triangle

In the interpersonal relationship…..(family, couple, work, friendship, etc….)

Have you ever felt that like a victim and being taken advantage all the time?

Have you ever felt like a firefighter and continuously putting out other people’s fire and rescue people around you all the time?

Have you ever felt so angry and frustrated that you want to criticize the other people’s behaviors all the time?

If you do, you might be falling into the drama triangle without knowing it.  Continue reading “Which role do you play, victim, persecutor, or rescuer?—Drama Triangle Introduction” →

Depression/Anxiety, Trauma

Change is Hard (Part II) — Why?

Grace Chen, PhD. LMFT

change-2.pngIs change possible?

As a therapist, I have to believe that people can change. Otherwise, what’s the point of psychotherapy if a person will feel miserable for the rest of his/her life because of his/her personality? Also, what can “I,” as a therapist, do, to facilitate the change? Or, in another word, based on the research result, how can I assist a person’s motivation to change?

It got me to think about the question: why don’t we take action to make changes even when we stuck in the miserable place? Continue reading “Change is Hard (Part II) — Why?” →

Depression/Anxiety

Change your thoughts doesn’t necessarily lead to change your feelings.

Grace Chen, PhD. LMFT

change thoughts change feelings

If you google the effectiveness of “XXXX” (depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc., just put in any symptoms), you will found tons of articles finding the evidence supporting Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I also have many clients told me that they had received CBT for years. 

“However, it did make sense when I talked to my therapist, but I just can’t make myself feel differently.” ~ my clients said. 

Why? Shouldn’t you feel “better” if “it makes sense” after the talk therapy?

Does change how you see things really change how you feel?

Continue reading “Change your thoughts doesn’t necessarily lead to change your feelings.” →