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1. Because it’s sad, that’s why you felt that way. Same thing for me. I finally could see myself as the little innocent child that I was, and that it wasn’t my fault. To finally feel compassion for myself was almost like relief bc I wasn’t angry at myself anymore.
   After that, in my mind I replaced the players in my story. I put MY kids in my place and the abusers taking care of them. The anger that I felt was more like rage towards those adults. I realized that I was no different than my children…I was a kid just like are now. It wouldn’t be their fault anymore than it was mine so many years ago.
   Rearranging the players was a huge help for me to see things in a different light. How could I be so hard on myself for something I went through as a child that was beyond my control? And believe me, I’ve been HARD on myself…felt like I was a bad person. I’m still struggling with it.

   In group therapy I learned the words “I should have” do not ever apply when referring to yourself as a child. “Innocent”. That’s the word. Naive. Trusting. We’re like dogs when we’re children. Always wanting love and affection from our masters no matter how they mistreat us. That’s how it is. Period.
   Adults SHOULD always know better and they are the ones to blame. Never the child. Never ever ever ever. 😉 I’m trying to forgive myself and love myself. It’s hard. The word “should” does not belong in your mind either when you think of yourself as a child. Hang in there.

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   1. HI, Tracy:
      Yes, the “should,” “could,” and “would” are the three difficult words to make peace with. It takes a lot of time and compassion towards oneself to be able to do that. I always tell my client, “forgiveness” is really not to forgive the perpetrator. It is actually let yourself off the hook of these “should,” “could,” and “would.”

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