[Couple Relationship] How much do I give to my relationship?

50%How many percentages do you think your responsibilities are in the marriage?

I have heard many people said that marriage is 50-50. That is, I put in the 50%, and you put in 50%, and they combined to be 100%.

Do you agree? Why? Continue reading “[Couple Relationship] How much do I give to my relationship?”

going home 2017

[Going Home 2017] Cultural Appreciation


Dr. Gottman described couple’s therapy process as helping the couples “building a sound relationship house.” The roof of the house is “create shared meaning.” Essentially, everyone is from different family culture. We all bring different values from our family of origin to our family of creation. Every behaviors, ritual, and values often have a family story behinds it. Once the couple is able to hear the stories behind, they have to decide how to create a shared meaning of these rituals/values/behaviors in their family of creation.
My high school Chinese teacher always told us: “you are not going to create the unique you unless you know your own culture and appreciated it.” So, when I realized that I can’t get into the counseling major in the College Entrance Exam, my second choice was Chinese. So, that’s what I studied: Chinese Literature in college.

I have never regretted that choice even though I have never made a living with Chinese culture. However, I have always been able to explain to my American friends the origins of different culture and the meanings behind it ever since I moved to the US.

Continue reading “[Going Home 2017] Cultural Appreciation”


“Is there a dream, a belief, or a story behind this?” — After the Election # 3

after-election-3If you are from the Midwest, you know the “House Divided” in the Fall in the State of Michigan. The first month I moved to Massachusetts, I was driving on the street and saw a house with two flags hanging out, a green MSU and a blue UM. I bursted into a big laugh in my car.

The “house divided” is another common issue in the last week after the election. Quiet a few couples coming into my office angry at each other because of the election results.

“I don’t understand how can he/she vote for this person!”
“How can he/she accuse me of this!!!!”

There are quite a few articles out there to talk about this issue. You can see the link below for the two articles for further readings and the authors’ full perspective. I want to add in more ideas here that you are not only unlock this “divided” situation but also turning this crisis into an opportunity to strengthen your relationship.

Continue reading ““Is there a dream, a belief, or a story behind this?” — After the Election # 3”