Depression/Anxiety

[Depression & Anxiety] Just One More Step

It’s Sunday, and I got up late. I opened my eyes and, immediately, I knew I was late.

For what? Running.

Sunday is my long run day. I enjoyed the 6 am running on the street when no one is up, and all I can hear is the birds chirping and my feet pounding on the road.

Today is too late. It was already 6 am. I immediately felt upset at myself and felt that the entire day started wrong, and nothing can be done!

I heard the “BE PERFECT Self” saying to me:
“It’s too late.”
“It’s ruined.”
“You should have set the alarm.”

I felt an immediate frustration, sadness, anger, and defeated feelings all rush through me. I turned around in my bed and said to myself:

“I am going just to sleep now because the day is ruined.”

But I can’t sleep. I started to think about everything that went wrong this week and felt my heart so heavy that I can’t move my body.

But I can’t sleep.

So, I told myself: “Let’s just get out of the bed first. You know you need to go to the bathroom.”

Since I am in the bathroom, I might as well brush my teeth and wash my face.

Since I am up, I might as well make myself a cup of coffee.

I sat on the couch and smelled the coffee. I felt the heaviness in my body, in my heart, and in my soul. I heard me saying:

“I just wanted to sit here and do nothing for the day. The whole world is crumbling. I feel so heavy that I can’t move.” I felt the sadness, the heaviness, and the powerless in my heart. I started to think about everything that had gone wrong this week. I was powerless to change or to do anything about them!

I tried to find that little voice in me saying to me: “How about just one mile today?”

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So, I put down the coffee and started to move my heavy body.

“I just wanted to get a mile in,” I said to myself when I reached the first .25 miles was so hard.

By the time I finished the first mile, I might as well go on the with the 2nd mile.

By the time I took this picture, I was at the 4.5-mile mark, my half way point of the Sunday long run.

I looked the sunlight coming through the leaves and think to myself: “Just one more step.”

By the time I got home, I didn’t make it to my 9 miles goal, but I made it to 8.6 miles.

I think to myself: “Just one more step, just put one foot ahead of the other, and it’s better than nothing.”

Do you have the same experience, hearing your “Be perfect Self” beating you down? After a while, this part of you will start to eat your true self away, and the “Giving Up Self” takes away your identity. Then, it leads to depressive mood because “I can’t get anything done!” It also leads to anxiety because “I am not sure if I can do it.”

Next time, try my “one more step” method. You don’t have to think about the entire process but the next step. Just one more step. Just remind yourself: “Just one more step and I can always back out.” Once you finished the next step, just one more step, and one more step. Even when you don’t reach your goal, it is always better than nothing.

Just remind yourself: “Just one more step!”

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