The physical issues related to anxiety and depression are digestive problems, hormonal imbalances, thyroid disease, poor blood sugar regulation, the wrong type of dietary fats, food intolerances, over-the-counter and prescribed medication, pyrrole disorder, methylation issues, and poor sleep.
Anger is one of the natural emotions, which means we can’t get rid of it. The point is not to get rid of the anger but to experience more positive emotions in our daily lives. I will still be angry when someone crosses my boundary, but I can also experience different feelings instead of being consumed by anger.
Children, without full cognitive, emotional, and brain development, growing up the chaotic household might find the whole chaos incomprehensible and as a result, growing up believing turmoil and uncertainty is the norm of life.
To prevent yourself from getting overwhelmed, the most crucial step is to take control instead of being in control. In another word, you have to either prevent flooding from happening or to intervene when the overwhelming feelings already arrived as soon as you can.
“Your life isn’t on hold until your dreams come true. You are still alive right now. The action is here, right now.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert
crucial questions to maintain “I am OK and You are OK”:
What is the current situation? Be matter of the fact.
2. What are your feelings about the situation? Not your judgment of the people involved but your emotions.
3. What’re your preferences of the solution if any? Why does that solution make sense to you based on the situation?
4. What are you needs to be fulfilled in the situation?
Do you feel regularly lock into a specific role and still unable to get out of it?
If the answer is yes, please seek professional help. You deserve to live a satisfied and fulfilled life, and you do not need to figure this out alone.
We all play victims, persecutors, and/or rescuers, in our daily life. The goal of any of us is not to lock into any of the roles ALL THE TIME and to maintain an “I am OK. You are OK” relationship in different relationships. When we unconsciously play the same role over and over again in our daily lives in the interpersonal relationships, especially in the meaningful relationships, we lose the flexibility of the interpersonal relationships. In the critical relationship such as couple relationship, that’s when a person starts to accumulate resentment and dissatisfaction towards the partner.
If you didn’t have an adult to provide the boundary of safety to allow you to experience change as a child, find a friend or a therapist to be that adult figure for you. You do not need to do it alone. Let your therapist or your friend help you figure out the boundary between safety and danger. Let this person help you to balance the feeling of anxiety and excitement for change. Let this person accompany you to experience those unfamiliar feelings or unknown territories.
Reason # 1: The old pattern used to be a survival strategy or to serve some purpose.
Reason # 2: Change is too scary and unknown.
I am Dr. Grace Chen, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.
Heal Trauma, Change Pattern, Find Purpose and Fulfillment, Transform Life Path & Relationship
Copyright © 2024 Dr Grace Chen LMFT | All rights reserved.
