I believe that any part in us used to be a survival strategy, and was once a helper to us. Therefore, the “what-ifs” is a part that is trying to prevent me from facing a disaster. The “what-ifs” was a helper to me once. That’s why I rely on the “what-ifs” currently, and I can’t get rid of this voice in my head. To get rid of “what ifs” I first have to be friends with “what ifs”.
The important news of the week was the business opening. I am not sure what’s qualifying to re-open, but all the hair salons nearby my office have opened. I also can see more cars on the road. The number of confirmed cases stays under 1000 cases a day. I guess this is a good sign.
I found myself in two emotions. The first one was a complete sense of powerlessness to do anything for them. Other than holding a space for them to talk about their experiences and their emotions, I can’t do anything. The other feeling was anger. I found myself wanted to shut out to the people who haven’t taken the situation seriously. How could you not to take the social distancing seriously when these nurse and doctors are risking their own life and their families’ life to take care of us?
Moving into week 6 (4/20 to 4/27), I am tired and exhausted from another weekend training. I also found myself settling into a routine in the past few Sundays. I usually ran out of the house early Sunday morning, waiting in the line outside Market Basket, hoping to get the cleaning supplies but no luck, and then, driving to Target, Walmart, and then CVS in the hunt of Lysol and Clorox, often with no luck.
In Chinese characters, the word crisis looks like this “危機”. There are two characters, danger and opportunity. So, a crisis is a dangerous opportunity.
At the end of the 3rd week after the COVID-19 pandemic sweeping through Massachusetts, I asked myself: what do I want to see myself at the end of this pandemic?